4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
