he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
