Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
