You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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