fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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