Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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