Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
