lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
