yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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