She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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