Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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