I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She bit a glass in half.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
