I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
