He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
