my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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