I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
