Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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