at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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