I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
