So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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