Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
vagina is talking i cant
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
