You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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