just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
