the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
