You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
