you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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