sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
