is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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