shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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