Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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