I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
