People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
