Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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