I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
