bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
