I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
