dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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