I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
