You work out of a Hotel?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
