keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
