i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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