I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
