i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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