if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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