Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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