just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there was a trapeze. enough said
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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