my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
