i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
