Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
