I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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