he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
