worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
