Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
